Coworker on the way back to her office: "Not just one brownie, but two. Because that's how much self-control I have." I feel you my sister.

Guess I'm not too constricted by time since I didn't notice until 6:19 p.m. that my wristwatch had been on upsidedown all day.

FOR SALE: LIMO...WITH HOT TUB!

Overly spastic Wheel of Fortune contestant who just won the Prize Puzzle round: "I'm going somewhere!"

Pat Sajak: "Yes. Unfortunately it's to an institution."

Which is the more pathetic; you decide. The fact that my sister had her trousers on backwards when we went out to dinner last week or that neither mom nor I noticed.

Score another point for not needing to spend much time fretting about appearance. Most people just aren't that observant.

Sometimes they notice, though. I went to one of our Karen (Burmese) worship services a few years ago with my top on inside out. My friend's English wasn't as advanced as it is now, and she said "you are upside down."

Now their English is better, and they know me better, and I think they still think I am "upside down."

Wal-Mart clerk to patron while waving a bag full of hamburger buns in the air: "Sir! Sir! Sir!"

Me to patron: "I would have yelled 'Sir! Your buns! Your buns, sir!"

Patron to me: "And I would have said, 'Get your hands off my buns!'"

"To get back my youth, I would do anything in the world--except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable."

- Lord Henry Wotton
The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde