"He is also, judging by his emails, surprisingly tolerant of forwarded videos of mischievous kittens." -Sherlock Holmes (Elementary)

Henceforth, if anyone uses "I'm in grad school" as an excuse for anything short of murder, I will allow it.

I joined a fitness center last week. It looked quite nice when I was there. I've given a lot of thought to actually going back for a workout at some point...

I was just startled by a sound, until I realized that it was the dog having a drink. Wait, I don't have a dog. But that was the unmistakable sound of a dog lapping water. I flipped on the patio light and caught him in the act; a large, black lab helping himself to a drink from my birdbath. And he had the nerve to bark at me.

I was cooking lunch today and left the kitchen for a minute. When I returned, the Chicken Helper box was simmering on top of the chicken and noodles, held nicely in place by the skillet lid. So, here are two things you now know about me: I don't necessarily cook from scratch, and I can be pretty absentminded.

When I awoke at 3:30 a.m. to use the bathroom I flipped on the lights, which I rarely do. There, right where I would have placed my feet, was a wolf spider. To my bleary, spider-hatin' eyes, it looked like something from a nightmare. After murdering it and doing my business, I returned to bed and shivered at the close call. I tried not to think about his family and friends that may be lurking in the inky shadows. Yep, I think that sealing the hole in the wall left by recent plumbing work just became a top priority.

Careful, the first step's a doozy.

There are several options for the boss' upcoming vacation. (It's listed as an industry board of directors meeting, but who are they kidding?) The options include Horseback Riding on the Beach, Scenic Intracoastal Waterway Tour, Kayaking the Waters, and Deep Sea Fishing Charters, among others. For my upcoming vacation the options are Frig in the Room at the Days Inn and Let's Take Our Own Food to Save Money. The good news is that I don't have to figure out what "Resort Casual Attire" is.

genius marketing?

How can we sell our incredibly lame product? I know, let's get a model who looks uncannily like Robert Redford!

Typing service reports is one of the most boring of all the boring tasks I have to do at work. Sometimes I nearly doze off while listening to the voice of the serviceman drone on, my fingers typing not necessarily what I hear but wherever my mind might wander. Re-listening-to and rereading a recent report I found that, where he said, "we had to go with all three new shafts" I had typed, "we had to go with all two meals." What?! Guess I was thinking about lunch...

Coworker on the way back to her office: "Not just one brownie, but two. Because that's how much self-control I have." I feel you my sister.

Guess I'm not too constricted by time since I didn't notice until 6:19 p.m. that my wristwatch had been on upsidedown all day.

FOR SALE: LIMO...WITH HOT TUB!

Overly spastic Wheel of Fortune contestant who just won the Prize Puzzle round: "I'm going somewhere!"

Pat Sajak: "Yes. Unfortunately it's to an institution."

Which is the more pathetic; you decide. The fact that my sister had her trousers on backwards when we went out to dinner last week or that neither mom nor I noticed.

Score another point for not needing to spend much time fretting about appearance. Most people just aren't that observant.

Sometimes they notice, though. I went to one of our Karen (Burmese) worship services a few years ago with my top on inside out. My friend's English wasn't as advanced as it is now, and she said "you are upside down."

Now their English is better, and they know me better, and I think they still think I am "upside down."

Wal-Mart clerk to patron while waving a bag full of hamburger buns in the air: "Sir! Sir! Sir!"

Me to patron: "I would have yelled 'Sir! Your buns! Your buns, sir!"

Patron to me: "And I would have said, 'Get your hands off my buns!'"

"To get back my youth, I would do anything in the world--except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable."

- Lord Henry Wotton
The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde

It started at lunch today when mom and I were trying to chat and a lady at an adjoining table decided to use that time to listen to every single one of her phone's ringtones.

Now I'm in the computer module area of IPFW's Helmke Library. The students behind me are collaborating on a assignment. Good for them, maddening for me.

Then there is the woman four computers down who keeps giggling aloud. I'm glad she is more engaged and amused by her scholarly endeavors than I apparently am. Still...

Far and away most annoying, however, is "make unnecessary noises" man--yawns vocally and loudly, sighs heavily, exclaims aloud in frustration...

Note to self:
If you can't tune out distractions (you can't) in order to concentrate on your work, bring earplugs or headphones.

 

Pros & Cons of watching the Superbowl by yourself:

Con-- no one to join in the first laugh-out-loud commercial (Cars.com "Put the wolf down")

Pro-- no one to judge you for pausing the new Calvin Klein underwear model and watching him in slow motion

Con-- no one to answer the really important questions about the game. "Did the 'overweight' Ravens cheerleader get to cheer at the game?"

Pro-- no one to see you cry through Sandy Hook children + Jennifer Hudson singing America the Beautiful and Alicia Keys doing the National Anthem.

Con-- no one to discuss stats with: Longest ever kickoff return. Longest ever Superbowl power outage.

Pro-- no one to observe the amount of chips & salsa you eat, or that you watched the last quarter in your jammies.

Con-- watching one of the more interesting Superbowl games in history at home because you didn't do your homework on Saturday and had to attempt to do it while watching the game on Sunday.

"I'm off to the hospital cafeteria for something delicious suspended in gelatin."
-Patrick Jane, The Mentalist

Of course, there is now a pending lawsuit by some folks in New Jersey who claim false advertising by Subway because their "Footlong" sandwiches were only 11 inches. Gasp!

Said Bill Weir on Good Morning America today after the piece aired, "When I'm doing carpentry, I use a sub sandwich as my ruler and this explains why nothing in my house is square."

Hah!

We didn't have class yesterday because of the MLK holiday. I was going to use class time for class work, but was distracted by the hilarity of Al Roker screaming for a handshake from the Vice President during the inauguration parade...and getting it!

I'm taking a course this semester entitled "Writing for Multimedia". The event I attended last evening commemorating the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a true multimedia experience, featuring live solo singers, vocal ensembles, instrumental music, and dramatic readings against a backdrop of stirring visual imagery.
 

Then I went home and watched the evening news on my DVR, wherein Brian Williams used the term "meme" when talking about social media in the aftermath of the days events. (A term unfamiliar to me before said class last week.)

In the car on the ride home, NIPR was featuring music about, and songs enjoyed by, Dr. King, including one by Pete Seeger, whom we will be studying in my other class this semester: Folklore and the Arts. 

What might have been an ordinary, bitterly cold January day instead featured events woven together like the threads of a tapestry, much like the overall experience of my Liberal Arts education.

So, my classmate and I are showing our collaborative PowerPoint presentation in class tonight, a simple multimedia presentation designed to introduce ourselves. I wanted to mention my blog so I had included a screen capture of it, not realizing that there were multiple tabs in view, one of which featured the heading "irritable bowel syndrome". This is not typically a talking point I incorporate when introducing myself to a room full of strangers.